Sacrifice
by BanterInABox
Summary: Bellas life had fallen a part. She wanted to die. When Carlisle offered her another escape route she wasn't sure if she really could sacrifice so much after thinking about it. What was more, would Jacob let go? AU
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own the characters but I'm pretty sure it's an original plot. _

_Ok, this is my second fanfic and I'm hoping you like it. It's different from my other one; Destiny but hopefully as good or better. Review people. Thankies_

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**Sacrifice**

**Preface**

I'd never been a good liar. Everyone could tell when I was trying to cover something up, hide something, it was written all over my face. I gave away all the signs of lying so I learned there was no point in lying at all, when the truth always followed after very little interrogation.

I'd never been good at lying till recently, when it became necessary for the sanity of my parents, for the comfort of my friends, and for my benefit. I didn't like lying, don't get me wrong, but I had to. It was important. If I told my parents how much it was costing me I know what their reactions would be: my mum would gasp and frantically try and fix the problem which we all knew she could never fix, my dad would scrunch his eyes up and go red, trying to block out the painful memories. If I told my friends they would be even more distant, as if my pain was contagious, if I told Jacob I would see the pain it cost him every time I looked up into his eyes.

So I lied, I lied to my parents, my friends, Jacob and most of all, I lied to myself. I was getting pretty good at it. I thought that if I continually told myself I was OK, if I kept up the charade with myself which I did with everyone else, I wouldn't need to lie; eventually it would become true.

But I'm not OK and I highly doubt I ever will be.

At first, I only needed to lie about small things, like amnesia and that was solely for dads benefit. I pretended I couldn't remember anything from that night, I pretended that the glare of headlights didn't wake me in the early hours of morning, I pretended that loud noises didn't break me out in cold sweats, I pretended that I had totally blacked out all events between getting in dads car, to waking up in hospital.

And once everyone became briefly happy thinking that I didn't relive the sequence of events, that brought me to this point, in my dreams, they worried about my welfare, my mental state, how the outcome was taking its toll on me. They worried nonstop.

So I became an accomplished liar. I laughed off their questions, brushed aside their concerned looks and said "I'm fine...I'm OK...don't worry...lighten up...let it go...stop looking at me like that" all the time. It was the only way because what was worse than their worry was their pity, their pained expressions if I let my charade down momentarily. So I spent every minute of every day pretending to be fine, OK, alright...happy...

And slowly, their worry died away. Their concerned expressions turned to smiles as I grew more accomplished at lying and the mask I had put on every morning to fool them was stuck in place.

That only made it hurt more. That only made me feel like a fake.

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_Read and Review people_


	2. Chapter 2

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 1**

_A flash of lights. A horn blaring through the night. A crash. A scream. _

I awoke. I was soaked in sweat, my breathing was rapid and my heart was sprinting. The scream was coming from my mouth. I shut it quickly, silencing the darkness that enveloped me as I sat up in bed. But I knew it was too late. I heard hurried footsteps, the creak of my door, the flick of the light switch, and as my eyes adjusted to the bright room, I heard Renee ask "Are you OK Bella?"

I felt like screaming again.

"I'm fine, mum" I muttered, not yet feeling up to putting on the whole breezy charade I had adopted. "Just a nightmare"

"Are you sure?" she asked, moving over to the bed and placing her hand on my clammy forehead.

I shrugged out from under it and gave an exasperated "_YES_!"

She didn't look convinced.

"What's the time?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Half 7" she said, still looking worried.

"Help me up, then" I said gruffly. I hated this.

She obliged, getting off the bed and going over to my chest of drawers. She pulled out a top, some ragged jeans, a bra and some pants. She laid them on the bed as she shouted "Charlie"

My dad, who'd obviously been hovering awkwardly outside, entered the room and with a quiet "good morning" lifted me up and carried me to the bathroom. He sat me down on the chair in the shower and left without making eye contact. I sighed as I stripped my nighty off and turned the shower on. After showering I grabbed a towel and called on Renee. She walked in and set the clothes she'd prepared down next to me and walked back out. My parents had learned not to talk during this process. I hated them trying to make casual chit chat as I depended on them for what I used to take for granted: being able to fend for myself.

I struggled through putting the clothes on and called for Charlie.

He entered with the wheelchair and lifted me onto it.

"Do you want me to-" he began but I cut him off.

"I can do it myself" I muttered as I wheeled myself out of the bathroom. He followed me through to the kitchen and hovered alongside Renee as I made breakfast for the three of us. It's what I used to do, so I demanded that I continued doing it. My life had been messed up already and deviated from normal routine so much that I had practically begged them to let me do what I had done every day before; though they had agreed only if they were allowed to supervise. I hated their constant company. It made me so uncomfortable but I guess I should have given up the dream of comfort alongside a lot of other things I'd had to give up.

After making a fry-up for breakfast, I set the table and put the plates down. Renee and Charlie sat at the table and we ate without talking, the only thing breaking the silence was the scrape of cutlery on the plates.

"Mmm" Renee said, "This is lovely Bella" Her voice was sugar coated and falsely happy as she tried to alleviate the tension in the room but I thanked her anyway. I needed to keep up the act.

"I think Jacob's coming round soon" she continued a few minutes later. "That should be fun" She smiled warmly but it didn't reach her eyes.

From my peripheral vision I saw Charlie shudder. He got up so quickly he chair clattered to the floor but he took no notice as he dumped his cleaned plate in the sink and stormed out the room.

Mum made no more attempts at conversation and we finished breakfast silently.

*

The clock ticked loudly as we sat in the living room. Renee and Charlie were watching TV while I looked out the window.

It was winter; the trees were bare and waved maliciously as they tried to scrape away the wind with their clawed branches. I heard a car engine and I saw Charlie tense. The noise died away and he relaxed, but only slightly.

I was never going to get used to this.

I thought about how things used to be, it's all I can think about. I wish we could go back in time and live as before: Live in our old house; speak to each other without every word being strained, sit together in a room without the atmosphere being so heavy that it rested in a big burden on my shoulders.

A car engine could be heard again and Charlie tensed. It got louder and louder till it died outside the house and Jacobs car could be seen from the window. Without a word, Charlie swept from the room. I could hear his footsteps carry him up the hall and I heard his bedroom door slam.

I hoped that would change soon. It hurt me to know the pain it caused Charlie to have Jacob round but I needed him. He made it easier to act like I was fine.

Renee went to open the door and after telling Jacob where he could find me, I hear her follow Charlie to their room.

Jacob entered the living room, his expression let up as he saw me, though the trademark glint in his eye was severely diminished.

"Hey," he said brightly, flopping onto the couch.

"Hey" I returned, equally as happy. I was getting so good at pretending.

"How are you?"

"Good, you?"

"Can't complain" he smiled easily.

_That makes one of us, _I thought bitterly.

"Charlie..?" He said slowly, letting the word die on the second syllable.

"I'm sorry Jacob. Nothing has changed there"

He nodded grimly. "I'm sorry" he said.

"It's not your fault" I said, after repeating it so many times before. Usually he just shook his head sadly and changed the conversation but today he burst. "Well, it sure as hell isn't his fault" he roared.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, startled. I always counted on his breezy, upbeat attitude to help me stay as upbeat as possible. This sudden outburst caught me off guard and was rapidly going somewhere I didn't want to go.

"No, Bella! It's all my fault. Look at you! If I hadn't... if I had just... I shouldn't have..."he yelled and then he crumbled.

I was stricken as he started sobbing.

"What's all this commotion?" Charlie demanded as he stalked into the room. He took one look at Jacob, sobs racking his body, still moaning "If I hadn't... if I had just... all my fault... all me...my fault... I just..." and fell onto the couch beside him, wrapped his arms around him and started crying.

I sat absolutely aghast in my wheelchair. This could not be happening! It defied logic. Charlie, usually so awkward, so averse to emotions was crying onto Jacobs shoulder as Jacob, who was meant to be my sun, he was meant to brighten up my outlook on this whole situation, was crying onto Charlie's.

_That's it. _I thought. _Game over. I'm ending this._

And I wheeled out of the room, past Renee who followed the sound of crying into the living room, out the front door, down the ramp, and towards the cliffs.

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**I hope you're getting hooked. I am just thinking about what i'm going to do next. **

**Read and Review people.**

**Ciao x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 2**

I sat at the edge of the cliffs and stared down at the swirling black waters that mirrored the turbulent grey sky up above. I had been here before, thousands of times, cliff-diving with Jacob. It was how we used to spend our summers, our weekends, and any free time at all. It had been so much fun. The adrenaline pumping in my veins as I stood on the edge; the wind whipping around me, churning up the murky depths of the icy black below; Jacob's easy laugh as he saw my face, which was always slightly apprehensive no matter how many times I had taken that one step of faith. And then I was falling with the wind roaring in my ears, the sea rushing up to meet me, and Jacob's gleeful whoops as he flew alongside me. And then there was the contact with the water, the icy depths stabbing at me, pulling me down but I fought hard for the light that gleamed above the surface and kicked with all my might till I broke free, my head bobbing like drift wood as I sought Jacob out, his grin identical to mine.

I was caught in my reverie. I felt silent tears slide down my face as I realised how much I had missed that one simple pastime. Now, everything was different. Jacob was a shell of who he used to be, he was faking as much as me. His and Charlie's guilt marred all of our communication and our friendship was frayed and broken though he had done nothing wrong, and neither had Charlie. Renee, who I once used to treat like a friend, a child even, now had to take up the mantle of being a responsible parent and she was not good at it. I hated seeing what she had become because of the help I needed. I used to be so independent, I used to care for everyone else, look after everyone else but no more. They all had to care and look after me.

I was a burden and I hated myself for it.

I peered over the edge once more, thinking how easy it would be to take one last jump, and never resurface. One spin of the wheels I despised so much, one elated feeling of falling, one cold black weight pressing down on me, one feeling of regret, no doubt, at giving up so easy, and then nothing. I would be free, I would be gone and everyone I loved could have their lives back with one less burden. One less worry.

That was the thought that kept me going. I knew they'd all feel terrible about my death, my suicide. They'd all feel horrible and guilty and probably responsible but when those feelings subsided they'd be able to lead normal lives without waking to my screams, and having to be on hand _just in case. _

I sat thinking about it for a bit longer, wondering if they'd realised I'd gone yet. They'd all been crying, they knew how I hated to see their guilt and their pity. They would think I was in my room. I wonder what would happen when they found out I wasn't in the house anymore. Would they come looking for me? Here? I doubted it, they knew I loved this place but surely they realised the torture it would hold for me now, thinking about what was and how it could never be.

I wished I had left a note. A small token thanking them for everything, telling them I didn't blame them and that I just couldn't stand living like this any longer. But everything had gone by so fast. Charlie and Jacob's breakdown had been the last straw. I couldn't bear it, seeing what they had become on my behalf so I didn't have time to write a note. By then they would ask where I was going. Did I want company? And if I said no they would force their company on me anyway _just in case_.

I took a deep breath. Now or never.

I let my hands slide from my lap, onto the wheels. I looked at the horizon as the sun broke through a cloud and momentarily blinded me. Its light shone across the sea, giving the writing waves colour as they glittered beneath its glare. It was so beautiful. I truly loved this place. I would miss it.

But this was my choice. My sacrifice for them. I did this for them

And then I pushed the wheels forward till small stones fell from the cliff edge into the swirling, welcoming jaws of the sea.

_Just a bit farther._

The wheels moved forward and i closed my eyes.

_Goodbye_, I thought.

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_What happens next? Dun dun duuuun :P_

_If you're good and review then i'll type up the next chapter :)_

_love love x_


	4. Chapter 4

_woo, chapter 3. intense :O_

_kidding on. reviews are appreciated people. i know a lot of you have added this to your favourite story and story alert and don't me wrong, i appreciate it imensely, but a bit of feedback, constructive criticism etc would be epic!_

_Hope you enjoy this and hope it makes sense. kinda rushed._

_Lovers y'all_

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 3**

I felt my arms frantically tugging at the wheels, I heard them scrape the ground below, but I didn't feel the whooshing of the wind as I began my rapid descent and I didn't feel the familiar butterfly feeling when my stomach tries to defy gravity.

I opened my eyes.

"Why?" said a soft, unfamiliar voice from just behind me.

Outraged, I turned in my seat (to the best of my abilities) and a man was standing with his hands firmly on the handles to my wheelchair. _The nerve _I thought.

I was about to tell him to piss off when I realised just how attractive he was. I know it shouldn't have stopped me from telling him so, but I had honestly never seen anyone like him.

He was pale white, almost eerily so in the glow of the sun, his hair was blonde and perfectly styled and his build was lean and muscular. He was wearing dark jeans and a simple white shirt and looked quite young. But what captured my attention most was his face. It was angelic and beautiful but his expression was so sad. His eyes, a caramel golden colour were boring into mine with such infinite wisdom and compassion that I forgot my rage entirely. Surely, surely this... man? Was not human. He looked like an angel!

"Why what?" I mumbled.

He didn't say anything; he simply wheeled me away from the cliff edge. I found my anger again but he ignored my yells of indignation and, what was worse, I started crying. I felt so utterly useless. I couldn't even try to stop this ridiculously handsome stranger kidnapping me.

_Oh why hadn't I jumped off the cliff sooner? Then I wouldn't have to suffer this humiliation. I wish I was dead!_

"I just want to talk", he said quietly as he pushed me down an unfamiliar path.

"About what? What makes you think you can just kidnap me! When my parents find out they wi-"

"They won't find out." He said calmly. "Otherwise you wouldn't have been sitting on the edge of a cliff" His voice was tainted with an ancient sadness I didn't understand.

"Where are you taking me?" I cried.

"Home."

He didn't say anything after that and I was forced into silence by his. Maybe he'd kill me. At least then I wouldn't have that moment of guilt for doing it myself. I lost all fear after that. Why bother when he'll only be finishing what I started.

We continued down the path; trees bordering each side and the above canopy throwing the track into a jade shadow. Eventually, we reached wherever the man was taking me. He stopped outside a small but pretty cottage that I hadn't known even existed.

"In we go" he said jovially as he opened the door and pushed me through. He wheeled me into a small but cosy kitchen with modern cabinets but old fashioned features like beams across the ceiling and a simple stove. It was very quaint.

"Tea, coffee?" He asked.

I gave him an incredulous look.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You kidnapped me to give me refreshments?"

He chuckled. "No, I said I just wanted to talk"

I continued staring at him till he sighed and sat at a circular wooden table across from me.

"My name is Carlisle" he began.

"Would you like my name before or after you kill me?" I asked sarcastically.

"I already told you, I just want to talk"

"I am so confused" I managed finally.

"As am I", he said wearily. "Why were you trying to kill yourself?"

I gave him a stony look.

"Let's start simply, then. Your name, if you please"

I pursed my lips but his eyes drilled through my resistance. "Bella", I said finally.

"Good, good" he murmured. "As I said, my name is Carlisle. I know you're dying to know why I took you from the cliff-"

"How'd you figure that out?" I drawled. "Was it the time I kept asking that gave it away?"

I was being so rude but I felt that kidnapping overrode common curtsey. He gave me a small smile and inclined his head.

"I think I can help you, Bella. But first, I need to know why you wanted to commit suicide."

"What makes you think I was attempting suicide?" I said haughtily. _The cheek of this man!_

He laughed softly, "I think the riding over the edge of a cliff gave you away"

I felt myself blush. "Why do you think you can help me? What gives you the right? What makes you think you can solve all my problems?" I felt my anger build with my frustration. This man was insufferable. "You don't know what I've been through, what I'm escaping from! You have no idea and you just sit there as if this is a bloody tea party while I'm trying to run away! WHY DID YOU STOP ME?!"

"Because, I think I can help"

I gave an enraged cry. "HOW?" I felt the tears streaming down my face from anger and humiliation. If only I'd done it that bit faster, I wouldn't be here... I wouldn't be anywhere...

"Tell me what happened, what pushed you to your limit. Please, I want to help" His eyes were wide and innocent and I could tell he was being sincere.

"Why? Why do you want to help?"

"Because I can", he said simply.

"How?" I asked, my curiosity firing up.

"My question first."

I gave him an icy glare, marred slightly by the sobs that were shaking my body.

"I was in the car with Charlie, my dad, and we... we started arguing"

"About what?"

"Jacob" I whispered, thinking about how worried he'd be. They must have realised I'd gone by now.

"Who's Jacob?" Carlisle asked gently. He was really quite easy to talk to once you got past the whole abducting thing.

"My friend. I've known him my whole life and he, he wanted to be... more, than friends but I didn't want that"

"So why was Charlie fighting with you about him?"

"Jacob had asked him to talk to me. Get me to _see sense _as he put it. They were always close, like father and son and Charlie thought I was being really unreasonable." A sob shook my body as I thought about Charlie. He'd be feeling even guiltier.

"Go on" Carlisle pressed gently. He waited patiently as more sobs racked through my body.

"Well, Charlie was driving, but when he gets angry he... he loses focus and, and he turned his attention from the road to me and was shouting at me. Saying I should give Jacob a chance, that he was a good kid, that we would be great together... I just don't like Jacob that way. He's just a friend, a very good friend, a brother practically. I just wanted things to stay simple and, and then..."

"Things got complicated?" Carlisle finished.

I nodded. "Drunk driver. Hit my side of the car. Paralysed me from the waist down. Charlie blames himself. Says he should have been paying attention. But he couldn't have done anything... he couldn't have saved me from... from this!"

Carlisle gave me a sympathetic look and I didn't mind from him as much as from everyone else. There was a real understanding that surpassed the predictable pity everyone else bestowed upon my unwilling self.

"So is that why you wanted to jump? To end the pain?"

"No..." I said as the sobs slowly escalated again. "I couldn't stand their pity. I couldn't stand the way it changed them"

"Who's them?"

"Jacob. Charlie. Renee" I gave a strangled cry as I said my mum's name. She would be frantic with worry. And that's why I had ended this, to stop her from worrying... What had I done?

"How did they change?" Carlisle asked, pulling me from my revelation.

"You need to know me to understand. I've always been the grown-up, always the mature one. I looked after my mother more than she looked after me, so when I... I couldn't fend for myself Renee had to help me. She used to be-" another sob, my face was now soaked and my lips tasted of salt as the tears poured from my eyes. "She used to be so free, a wild spirit, untameable. But she had to be the responsible one for once and I saw it was causing her pain... I didn't want that"

Carlisle passed me a handkerchief that had been sticking out of a tissue box on the table. I accepted it graciously and started mopping my face.

"And Charlie? Jacob? How did they change?"

"They blamed themselves. They blamed each other. Charlie could never bear to hear Jacob mentioned after that... Jacob had put Charlie up to talking to me, they blamed themselves, no matter what I said. It destroyed their relationship" The handkerchief was now soaked and disintegrating and Carlisle passed me a fresh one.

"Jacob was usually able to hold himself together when I was about, but I could see the pain in his eyes every time he looked at me. Every glance at my chair made his face burn with guilt, it physically hurt me to look into his face and see him like that. I used to be so much fun to be with but now... now he's a wreck! He broke down this morning, as did Charlie and that was the last straw. Everything- everything had changed beyond recognition and I had to pretend I was OK for everyone else's sake. I had to try and make them feel better because it was unbearable to see their daily struggle for my sake" An intense passion overtook me as I recounted everything to Carlisle who listened amazingly well. I had had my second thoughts but I remembered why I had sat at that cliff edge in the first place. "I wanted to be selfish for once" I said, not even realising I had spoken the thought out loud.

Carlisle nodded, "Understandable, understandable."

We sat in silence for a few moments and I felt a new sense of purpose. "I would end everything. If Carlisle didn't kill me, I would do it myself as I'd intended. It would be for the best. Everyone would move on. I wouldn't be ruining anyone else's life. Mine had already been ruined.

"What are the extents of your injuries?" Carlisle asked suddenly.

I thought for a moment and then rattled of the exact words the doctor had used as best as I could.

"As I though" he murmured, and then, in a business like fashion said, "I believe I can help you, Bella"

I snorted, managing to sound very blasé after having cried so much, moments ago. "Why do you think that?" I asked in a manner that clearly suggested I highly doubted this man would be any help at all.

"Because", said Carlisle, looking me directly in the eye with a very serious expression, "I am a vampire."

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_Ok peeps, you've read it, now it's time to review it. It won't take long and it'll make me feel all warm and tingly inside. Its a nice feeling. i want to feel it lots._

_Come on! i know you can :)_

_ciao x_

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	5. Chapter 5

_ Carlisle is a vampire :O i didn't see that coming :P _

_anyhoo, I don't own the characters, obviously, no matter how much i wish they were mines. _

_Plots all mine though, hope you enjoy it and what i'd enjoy is some more reviews. Keep tem coming people! _

_thankies_

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 4**

His words hung in the air, now heavy and tense. He was clearly expecting some sort of reaction from me but I had frozen.

There was something about the certainty in which he said it, the look in his eyes that told me he wasn't insane. And hadn't I said that he couldn't possibly be a man?

"Oh," I said, calmer than I felt.

He stared at me, gauging my reaction. "That's it?" he asked incredulously.

"So how does that make you able to help me?" I asked, conversationally, ignoring his question.

He continued staring.

"What?" I asked, starting to feel self-conscious. I resisted the urge to wipe my face in case there was something on it.

"In all my years..." he muttered.

"What?" I asked again. I sounded like my old self again: self-conscious, paranoid and slightly annoyed at being kept out of the loop.

He shook his head slightly and gave me an affectionate smile. "It's just that usually when I tell people what I am, they scream and run away for two reasons: they believe me and want to get away from me; or two, they don't believe me, think I'm crazy and want to get away from me. You have done neither"

"Well, can't exactly run, can I?" I grumbled, motioning to the wheels.

He chuckled slightly, "No, no you can't"

"So..?" I urged. "How can you help?"

"Well, I didn't choose this"-he motioned to himself-"this change to happen. It was forced upon me. And I don't want to be a slave to vampire instincts. I don't want to thirst for blood."

I flinched and he gave me a wary look. "I didn't choose this, but all in all, it's the best thing that's happened to me. As a youth, I always wanted to learn. I had a real thirst for knowledge. Now I have the time to learn, to see the world. I found my reason for living in my wife Esme, also. All in all, life has gotten better. I want to offer this life to you. I want to preserve your life. That is why I stopped you freewheeling off the cliff edge. That is why I brought you here, because I know from experience that people want choices. I couldn't stand to watch someone as young as you throw your life away when I have the power to help."

He stopped talking, looking intently at me and obviously expecting some reply. I felt my mouth go dry. I didn't know what to say. This beautiful man wanted to help me for no other reason than _he could _but I didn't quite understand.

"I don't get how you can help me though" I finally managed to say.

He sighed, clearly not wanting to say what he had to say. "I can help you, by transforming you into a vampire."

I felt my eyes widen and my face break through the mask that had been so well cared for up till now. I felt a thrill of fear as what Carlisle was finally saying dawned on me. _He had an escape for me: Death... or immortality. _I gulped, and the sound felt comical since it featured in all animated movies and TV shows where an ultimatum was presented.

"How?" I gasped. The atmosphere in the room had changed as soon as he spoke the V word. It felt harder to breathe.

"How what?" he said cautiously. I could feel my calm demeanour vanish.

"How does that help?"

"Well, vampire venom heals the body as the transformation progresses. It's a painful process, though.

I nodded sharply, trying to take it all in. _Me? A vampire? _It defied all sense. Given the choice between my old life, and death, I'd take my old life any day, but eternal life? It seemed a bit too much. But then again, I didn't _really _want to die. It just seemed better than the alternative at the time. But being healed, being free of this wheelchair was such an attractive thought. I could almost taste the sense of walking again. And I wouldn't be causing my parents any pain. I wouldn't be dead, but I wouldn't be paralysed either.

"I'll do it." I said, feeling my face split with a genuine smile for the first time in so long.

He raised an eyebrow. "Have you really thought about this, Bella? As I said, the transformation process is excruciatingly painful, as is the constant thirst for human blood. Do you think you can cope with that?"

I nodded again, feeling that burning sense of purpose. I could be with my family as I once was. I could be friends with Jacob without seeing the look on his face that spoke of his guilt. I could have it all. I could walk again. I laughed slightly as I said, "Of course, I can have my old life back. It's everything I want!"

Instead of looking reassure, Carlisle looked saddened. His eyes spoke of remorse as he slowly said, "No Bella. You can't. For all intents and purposes, you'll be dead to your family and friends. You won't be able to see them again."

I felt the smile slide off my face as renewed tears sprang to my eyes.

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_ooooh. sadness :(_

_review people_

_Ruth x_

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	6. Chapter 6

_Hello people. How's it going? Anyway, enough chit chat. Here is the next chapter and sorry for the delay. I was so caught up reading a story called Emancipation Proclaimation (i think i spelt that right) that i couldn't tear myself away from it!! Go read it by the way, its in my favourites but only after you've read and reviewed my story ;)_

_Enjoy x_

_Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, or the characters or anything like that but if i did i would be so dam rpud of myself. Go stephanie Meyer! You rock girl! :P_

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 5**

As I made my way back to my house I focused on two things: replenishing my mask which had finally worn down; and reigning in the euphoric feeling which would raise my families suspicions.

Carlisle had, begrudgingly, allowed me to make my way home alone. He had been unwillingly, probably under the impression I'd try to throw myself of the nearest cliff, but I reasoned with him that I needed the time to think straight. I had, after all, a lot to think about.

I was not going to die, ever. The enormity of it was utterly incomprehensible and I just could not wrap my head around it. _Me? immortal? _It was just so strange. I would never die, I would be pretty much invincible, and I'd be able to walk. Carlisle had explained the benefits to me: a ridiculously strong body that won't require rest; beauty- something I looked forward to after feeling so ordinary all my life; a lot of room in my head to think; maybe even an extra power. He told me one of his "sons" could read minds, another could change your mood and his daughter could predict the future. I was excited beyond belief at the prospect of having, not only a supernatural body, but a supernatural power to top it all off. He warned me such things were rare but I couldn't contain my excitement.

I was so wrapped up in my happiness that I forgot I was supposed to be reigning in my mood, trying to appear more sombre. I was, after all, going to fake my own suicide. I needed it to be believable. I had been so upset when Carlisle told me I still wouldn't be able to see anyone from this life again, all the hopes that had been reborn in his company had been shattered in that moment, but the more he told me about how volatile newborn vampires could be, I understood why and did not question it again. I had already prepared myself to lose my family forever, though at that point I was under the impression that it would be because I would be dead. This would be much harder because I would still be alive and unable to see them. I would have to live without them and that sobered me up immediately. No matter what all the perks of being a vampire were, I'd still miss Charlie, Renee and Jacob to no end. They were my family, even Jacob who, against his wishes, was like a brother to me.

I sighed as I wheeled down the long road that led to my house. Despite how hard it would be to lose them, I was so happy I didn't have to kill myself. Carlisle had offered me another escape and I would take it. I didn't want to die; I just couldn't live with their pity and guilt. Now I didn't have to do either.

I smiled, but quickly tried to cover it up again. I was meant to be depressed. I had to remember that. But I couldn't deny my mask had gone. My careful cover-up was now non-existent and I didn't know what effect it would have on my family, but I knew I wouldn't have to worry about it for too long: just a couple more days before I joined the world's vampire society.

I would go for a "walk" again tomorrow to meet Carlisle in the same place and he would coach me through what would be happening. His family would be back from hunting by then. I had shivered when he told me that but he assured me it was only animals, just a couple of grizzly bears and mountain lions. That had made me shiver more, making him smile an angelic smile. He told me he had three sons and two daughters and a wife, Esme and that two of his sons, one daughter and his wife were all of his own creation. I had felt relived knowing he had changed people before and that they were, mostly, happy.

Finally reaching home, I wheeled up the ramp and pushed open the front door which wasn't locked. On entering the living room I found Renee, Charlie and Jacob all sitting round the coffee table in a tense silence. I could almost taste the stress on the air but as one of the wheels on my chair gave a tell-tale squeak, the spell was broken and they all relaxed slightly.

"Where were you?" Renee burst. "We've been worried sick!"

I shrugged, trying to wipe the smile from playing around my lips. I'd only been gone a couple of hours. "I went for a walk." I said nonchalantly.

Jacob raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me and I realised that my lying skills had depleted the moment my mask had crumbled. I tried my best to look irritated, rolling my eyes and huffing. "Fine, a wheel or whatever you want to call it seeing as I can't walk anymore." I snapped. I was probably a bit harsh because his face went red and I see tears welling up.

"Bella," Charlie said, giving me a warning look. I could tell his relationship with Jacob had been mended after their cry and I felt glad knowing I could leave them with their healed bond.

"Aw, Jake" I whined, much like I used to, "I'm sorry."

He nodded, wiping his eyes. Charlie looked satisfied, and Renee looked so happy I was speaking like my old self again but Jacob looked confused. I wondered why but I pushed the thoughts out of my head. I didn't want to worry about him too much. It would only make leaving harder.

We followed the night through like we had before the accident and for the first time in ages I truly enjoyed my families company. A part of me told me it wouldn't be so bad to continue living like this, we would manage. They were acting like their old selves and life could continue in much the same way as before.

But I quickly silenced that small voice as I explained to myself that the only reason they were happy was because I was happy, they thought I'd finally come to terms with my paralysis, maybe seen reason after Jacobs and Charlie's joint breakdown , but the only reason I was happy was because I had an escape. The moment I said no to Carlisle, the moment the escape was blocked and I would sink back into a lonely depression. I tried my hardest to enjoy the time I had with my family but I was torn. The moment my "suicide" rolled around, they'd want to know why. So I either had to act my part well and go about as I had yesterday, or savour the moments we have now and just let them deal with their confusion when I was gone. I figured I could explain it all in a suicide note. The thought of leaving a note cheered me up immensely. I could explain everything and tell them how much I loved them. I'd make it long, make it worth reading. I knew mum would like that, I knew she'd keep the last thing I touched close by so I would make it meaningful. I usually suppressed my emotions, finding it awkward to be open, much like Charlie, but I would spill my heart out for them. I would do anything for them... except live like this.

I went to bed that night and for the first time, I didn't resent my parents help in getting me ready. I was so tired, my head was buzzing, and I had a lot to think about. Tomorrow would be my last full human day. The thought was bewildering.

I drifted off to sleep, my dreams a muddle of angelic faces, swirling icy depths and novel length suicide notes. I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed ad well rested. It had been the first time I hadn't woken up screaming; the first time sleep was not shattered with the memory of a car horn; it was the first time in so long, I had slept beyond 8 in the morning.

My mum entered my room at my call, running through and looking slightly startled at my calm demeanour. I smiled at her and she smiled warmly back, silently going about helping me as she usually did but this time she had a slight bounce in her step. I would miss her. I was happy I could leave with a glimpse of the childish woman she had been before the accident. I was sad I would be the cause of the death of that part of her for, no doubt, a long time after my death. In that moment, I was tempted to call the whole thing off, the pain of missing my mother searing through my chest like wildfire, but then the words I'd said in Carlisle's kitchen came back to me. _I wanted to be selfish for once. _

And no matter how much pain it cost me, I knew I couldn't live without my one act of selfishness. I would deal with the guilt later, when I had room in my head to store it away safely and respectfully. For now, I tried to forget about it.

After the usual morning routine, we sat in the living room, watching TV.

A car pulled up outside and Jacob got out. He waved through the window at us, his wolfish grin stretched across his face. He let himself in the front door and was in the living room within seconds.

My parents greeted him warmly and I saw the glow of pride in my father's eyes as if he was looking at a highly successful son. I was truly glad I could leave and they would still have each other.

As happy as I was, I was still conscious of the time. The clock was ticking nearer the time I said I'd meet Carlisle and after a long period of agonizing and tantalising_ tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock,_ finally, it was time to leave.

"I'm going for a walk." I said quietly.

Renee gave me a sharp look and then nodded; Charlie grunted goodbye from in front of the TV but Jacob leapt to his feet looking eager.

"Alone." I clarified.

His face fell and I felt bad immediately. It was so hard trying to keep up the depressed charade when my human life was literally ticking away from me.

"No offense Jake, just wanna be alone..." I murmured.

He waved me off, but there was a look about him that unsettled me. He looked defiant somehow, it unsettled me, but I didn't have the time to pry.

I wheeled out of the house and down the road, my arms hurting with the rate at which I was going. I was so eager to see Carlisle again and he said I'd be meeting his family to run through what was going to happen. I was quite scared actually, at meeting a whole family of vampires but it was somewhat exciting. They'd be my new family soon enough, they'd have to look after me for my first year because apparently I'd be what Carlisle describes as a _handful_. I wasn't particularly comforted by the grimace he had worn when he said that but I ignored it. _Small details_.

I reached the cliff top path that I had nearly thrown myself off yesterday and waited for the Vampire family to arrive. I faced the sea and admired the beautiful picturesque scene in front of me but I was suddenly nervous. _What if they didn't like me? What if they didn't want me in their family? What would I do then? Would I beg? Or would I just wheel of the cliff edge as I'd originally planned? _

My head buzzed as my frantic thoughts raced to be the first to cross my mind. I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts but it only rattled them slightly, like shaking a jar of coins: they were still in there, still striving to be heard.

"You're not thinking about doing what I think you're thinking about doing?" A voice cried from behind me. It startled me; it was familiar yet twisted with pain. It cut straight into my heart and physically burned me, each heart beat causing guilt to course through me. There was also the slight apprehension at what would happen if my future Vampire family turned up at this moment. It would be too much to explain.

I turned my chair around with slight difficulty on the gravelly path and faced him. He was standing frozen still, his chest heaving the exertion of keeping his breathing even and his hands clenched, his knuckles white. His glare was menacing and accusatory.

"Jake..." I began.

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_oooo, drama!_

_Hope you enjoyed this so much that you're getting impatient reading my babble right now and are just so eagar to write a review. So go, my child, i release you. Go and review this chapter like you've never reviewed anything in your life._

_Peace out dears x_

_(and shout ot the miss latfa who kept harrassing me to update. love you hun!)_

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	7. Chapter 7

_Ah, sorry for being so so so late in updating. I hope you enjoy this latest enstallment._

_Review people. See you at the bottom._

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 6**

_This looks so bad..._

"Jake..." I repeated, trying to inject as much pleading into his name as possible. I pulled my chair round, with effort, to face him.

"Don't _Jake _me, Bella!" He spat. "You're just going to throw it all away? Is that it? Just give up?"

"No, Jake, you don't understand!"

"What is there to understand, Bella, cause I really don't see what's so difficult to get." He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation and even though his face was etched with pure fury, I saw all the pain underneath. "Why are you giving up on us? Why are you going up on me?"

I could see the pain bubbling to the surface as the anger melted away into agony. I felt the tears spill over onto my cheeks as I realised I was seeing a shadow of what would be the result of my death. I love Jacob dearly, it's just not enough to tie me to this life.

"Explain!" Jacob demanded as he choked through the tears that were coursing down his face.

"I... I- I can't do it anymore Jacob...it's too much..." I cried. I realised it would be easier to just pretend I was suicidal. There really was no other way to explain myself without saying _Sorry Jacob, met a vampire who offered to make me a vampire too and thought, hey, why not? Hope you don't mind but I won't be able to see you anymore cause I'll be craving your blood. _

"So that's it?" He yelled, the anger rising above the pain. "You're just giving up! What about Charlie and Renee?" His voice fell to a whisper as he lowered his eyes to the ground. "What about me?"

My heart skipped a beat or two as I cried harder. "I love you Jacob, I do, but like a-"

"A brother." He said bitterly, still looking pointedly at the ground. "I know."

"I'm so so-" I began.

"Don't say sorry!" He spat. "Don't you dare feel sorry. If you were that sorry, you'd try living your life. If you were that sorry you wouldn't give up so easily. If you were that sorry, you would try loving me properly. They way we're meant to be..."

I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say to make it better. He was hurting and there was no way I could help him without hurting myself. There was no escape. Whatever I chose, someone would be in pain because of a decision I'd made.

Unless... I did just end it. If I just wheeled of the cliff edge then I could fully escape. There would be no more pain for me. Sure, Jacob would hurt, but he would hurt whatever I decided so why not save at least one of us?

I felt disgusted at myself for being so callous towards him but the thought of my release was so tempting. The simple flick of my wrist on these wheels and after a little freefall, it would be over.

_So tempting... _

"Please Bella..." He whispered. "Please, please don't do this. Not now, not ever! Please, think of your parents. Think of me..."

I felt something inside me snap. My emotions had been pulled so tight that I was so close to breaking. "Think about you and Charlie and Renee? That's all I ever do! That's all I've ever done! And for once, I just want to think of myself. For once, I just want to do something that will help me. I can't live this life, Jacob, I can't handle this disability, and I can't handle the dependency. I'm not afraid to admit I'm a weak person. I'm not afraid of death. I don't want to pretend to be OK for everyone else's sake; I don't want to lie all the time, because for the past few weeks, that's all I've done. I've lied and I've faked and I've worn a constant mask and I want to be me. Be Bella. Be free"

He looked so shocked, as if I'd slapped him. I felt bad immediately for hurting him more but also, a sense of relief for finally getting how I really felt off my chest.

"So that's it? You're just going to give up before you've barely tried?" He sounded defiant. I knew he would battle me to the end. I knew that if I let my guard down for a second he would wheel me back home and never let me set foot out of my own house. I knew that if, for some reason, I postponed the inevitable I would never have any freedom, I would be put into counselling or therapy or something and I would never be trusted again. I knew that if that happened, my life would be so much worse.

"Yes, Jacob. This is it."

His eyes opened in horror. The thought of the immediacy of my decision had clearly not dawned on him. He obviously thought he had time.

I shook my head sadly and he took a step forward.

"Stop Jacob!" I warned. I was going to do it anyway, but I didn't want it to be like this. At that moment I wondered where Carlisle and his family were. They should be here by now. Maybe they were hiding and listening in on our conversation. I figured if they had super freaky hearing like Carlisle said they had, then they would probably be able to hear us from a distance anyway. I felt sad that I wouldn't become a vampire. It was very stupid to be so remorseful over something like that but I knew there was no way I could get away from Jacob and meet Carlisle to transform. This really was the end.

"Jacob" I said quietly. "Don't interrupt. I won't have a chance to write this down."

He opened his mouth, his eyes wide and horrified. He took another step forward.

"Dam it Jake! Listen! Tell my parents I love them, that none of this is their fault. Tell them that I'm grateful for every day we spent together. And-" I sobbed, my voice catching in my throat. "And tell Charlie I don't blame him, I don't blame him for anything. I don't blame you either Jacob. I love you too, and I'm sorry, truly sorry, that it's not enough to change anything."

"Bella..." He pleaded. Tears gushing out of his eyes, his hand outstretched towards me. "Bella please!" He said louder.

As his frozen state broke he started moving towards me. I felt my eyes bubble with more tears as my vision blurred. I mouthed _Love you _and grasped the wheels of my chair and let spun them backwards. I wheeled off the cliff edge and into nothing.

The last thing I heard was a mournful howl of anguish.

And then...

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_Hello again. _

_Oh my word, she did it! She rolled off the cliff edge..._

_What happens next? dun dun duuuun!! :P_

_Review people, please. I enjoy reading them so much!!_

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	8. Chapter 8

_Yo yo people_

_I'm working on actually uploading within a couple of days ofthe last chapter :) hehe_

_Reviews people_

_They make me happy :D_

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Sacrifice

**Chapter 7**

_Falling..._

All I could hear over the wind roaring passed my ears was that same agonised cry. I had caused that. I had done that to Jacob... But no matter how guilty I felt, it was too late. I was headed for the sea. At one point in my life, this had been fun. It had been a sport me and Jacob willingly partook in most weekends with his friends from the reservation. Then, I had been able to dive in without causing myself any pain. In those days I would plunge deep into the icy depths and after a couple of kicks of my feet, I'd break the surface and share a carefree laugh with the boys.

But not now. Not today.

I knew it was only a matter of time before I hit the waves. I knew the frantic thoughts currently racing through my head would be my last: today there would be no breaking the surface. But the time seemed to drag on because of that howl. It was if my life was tied to the person who made that noise and as my last moments would be spent listening to his pain, I felt them drag on.

And then I finally made contact with the waves. The spray rushed up to meet me before my wheels even hit the water and I was actually so grateful that this was it. If the gravity hadn't hurried up for the sea to drown me, I knew I'd have drowned in my guilt long before.

_Poor Jacob..._

But it was the last thought I was able to have for him as I sunk lower and lower. The chair dragged me down and as my survival instincts kicked in, I knew I was never going to make it. I had been holding my breath but it was in vain. My lungs fought for a gasp of air and were only met with icy black water burning down them. I couldn't see a thing as I was hauled deeper into the sea. The salt water stung my eyes and I started to feel dizzy as my lungs gave up trying and shut down. I'd heard about this before: how once you're body realises it's fighting a losing battle, it'll just switch itself off so that when you die, you don't really feel it. I remember talking among school friends from my class at lunch about our preferred ways of dying. It sounds morbid but it was just a bit of banter. No one picked drowning because everyone knew what it was like to inhale water, even for a second, and it was beyond pleasant. But this was nice. Now the burning sensation had stopped, I was rather content just to float gently far beneath the surface. I could feel myself dying now. The lack of air had done its work and I could feel the numbness spread through my veins, leaving my body as cold as the water around me. My vision clouded and I felt my eyes roll upwards in voluntarily as my eye lids drooped shut. I didn't care about the stinging of the salt water anymore. This was it.

_Sorry Charlie, Renee, Jacob. I love you all but I wanted to be selfish for once..._

I knew I was dying because I started moving, and fast. The water around me warmed as I rushed upwards and light gradually built in front of my eyelids. I was waiting for all consciousness to vanish. I was waiting to meet my maker, or walk into the light at the end of the tunnel or whatever happened when we died. But I seemed to be waiting for a long time. My chair had fallen from beneath me long ago and I was angry that I still couldn't feel my legs. Surely when I reach heaven or whatever, I'll be able to walk again? Just the thought of spending eternity as a cripple made me angry and because of my sudden anger, I felt my body fight to live again.

I had stopped moving now, a bright light was in front of me, I could feel it burning through my eyelids but they were too heavy to open. I was sure I was lying down, but I couldn't tell. And then all of a sudden, I felt my mouth open and air rush in to inflate my lungs. Then there was weight on my chest and I knew what was happening. Someone was trying to save me!

I wanted to cry out, to tell them to stop. But I couldn't. As I tried to let go, I felt the urgency of the air being blowing into my mouth. I wondered if it was Jacob but something told me it wasn't. He couldn't have possible dove down as far as I was or he would have died. My chair had dragged me down and he had nothing to help him sink, a part from his big head but that was full of hot air.

I started being more aware of what was going on around me and I resented it. I didn't want to be more aware. I wanted to be dead. There were voices, beautiful voices, but I didn't recognise any of them.

"Come on, Bella. Breathe." I heard a voice growl in my ear.

I wanted to tell the voice no. I wanted to tell it to go away and let me die but I couldn't. My lungs were full of water.

And then they weren't.

I could feel the freezing salt water burn my throat as it escaped through my lips. I could feel my body was soaked and cold, I was shivering. I could feel someone was leaning over me but I felt no heat radiate from their body. I could feel too much.

I wanted to scream in anguish at the injustice of it. I had been so close, so so close to dying and someone had brought me back to life.

I felt cold hands on my face, my neck and someone opened my eyes. The light was intense and I realised it was the sun. Silhouetted against the light was a stranger, a boy I didn't recognise. I could barely see him as the light blinded me but I took in a mop of bronze hair before he opened my other eye. I couldn't make anything else out.

"Come on Bella" the voice said softly. It sounded so smooth and velvety. "I know you're in there. I can hear your heart beat."

I could feel it too. Now that I was more aware, I realised I was breathing of my own accord. I wanted to hit someone; I wanted to make someone suffer for my suffering. I wanted to die.

I raised my fist and flailed it in front of me till I made contact with what must have been steel. I felt pain in my fist and someone's soft chuckle made me snap my eyes open.

"What's so funny?" I hissed. I ignored the burning of the sunlight now. I wanted to kill someone for what they had done. I wanted to kill the person who had saved my life.

The silhouette moved out of my vision and was replaced by another. I recognised the outline of this one, could it be...

"Hello Bella." Carlisle said. "You gave us all quite a fright"

I was confused. "Erm..." was all I could manage.

"I had hoped you wouldn't actually try to commit suicide but I had placed Edward down in the water as a precaution. I hope you don't mind, but he just saved your life"

"I bloody well do mind" I spat. I knew I was being irrational. I knew I probably should be grateful but I couldn't muster the feeling when I was so angry I'd been pulled from the end.

"Carlisle, I can't hear her." The velvety voice I supposed was Edwards said.

I heard a collective gasp and felt that Edward must be very deaf or something. I'd certainly not spoken quietly.

"Interesting." Carlisle muttered.

I tried to sit up but cold hands pushed me down. "Oh no you don't" Carlisle said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Why did he save me?" I growled. I still felt so angry. I wasn't in control.

"I thought we'd made an arrangement."Carlisle said, sounding shocked. "I thought you wanted to become a Vampire."

I gasped as the realisation dawned on me. Of course, they had saved me so I could become one of them. I felt happier suddenly, lighter.

"Yes, yes I still do." I gushed. I closed my eyes as the sunlight started to really burn them.

"Well, that's what I thought" Carlisle said. "Now Bella, we're going to move you to somewhere safer. The beach isn't really the place for this kind of thing."

_The beach? _"Where are we? Which beach?" I asked.

"First Beach. He replied simply. I felt arms wrap around my waist and I felt myself being carried somewhere. The wind rushing past indicated some speed but I daren't open my eyes.

"Wow." I said softly. Edward had swum us all the way to first beach. It was miles away and he'd taken next to no time to do it. Carlisle had not been joking when he said Vampires were fast.

"What does he mean he can't hear me?" I asked, feeling it was important.

"Do you remember when I said one of my sons could read minds?"

I nodded and then let out another low "Wow" as I realised that Edward couldn't read my mind. _How bizarre. _

"Why?"

"I do not know. I only just found out, same time as you." There was no impatience in his voice as he spoke. I could feel the warmth of his character in every syllable.

"So where are we going?"

"The cottage I took you the first time we met."

I nodded again.

"And your family will be there?" I asked, feeling suddenly self conscious.

"Yes. Once we saw you go over the edge we split up. I went to meet Edward at First Beach and the others went back to the cottage. We figured you wouldn't appreciate being surrounded by vampires when you came round."

I nodded again. He was right. The last thing I wanted to do was meet his family when I was drenched in water and murderously angry.

"Sorry Edward." I said quietly. "Sorry I punched you."

I heard him chuckle as he replied in his beautiful voice, "No harm done, Bella. I think you did more damage to yourself though" He chuckled again as I gasped in pain. I had just tried to move my fingers and was met with a crackling pain.

"I think you've broken your hand, Bella" Carlisle said gently. "But don't worry; we'll soon have it fixed up."

I thanked him softly and opened my eyes when we suddenly stopped. We were in front of the cottage. I looked up to see Carlisle was holding me. He looked down at me and smiled warmly. I smiled shyly back, wondering what state I must've looked.

I averted my gaze as the compassion in his eyes was quite hard to handle and my gaze fell on Edward.

He was without a doubt the most beautiful person I'd ever seen in my life, even more so than Carlisle.

He had messy bronze hair that had clearly never seen a comb; his eyes were the same honey gold as Carlisle's and he was just as white. He was clearly muscled beneath his shirt and I felt my eyes widen as he looked round at me and smirked. My heart beat faster and then he looked suddenly frustrated and stormed into the house.

I gave Carlisle a confused look but he looked amused. "I think he struggles with being deaf around you, Bella." He said gently.

"Well, shall we go in?" he asked.

I hesitated before I nodded and then I shook my head. He gave me an inquisitive look.

"I was just- I just thought... I'd rather they didn't see me till I was beautiful..." I stammered. He sighed as he said Edwards's name quietly.

Edward, who must have heard suddenly appeared, his countenance dark.

"Could you please tell the family to vacate the premises. Bella would like to be alone when she changes."

Edward shot me a confused look before going back inside. Within moments he'd returned. "They've gone out the back door. Would you like me to leave?" He asked me.

I shrugged, wanting to deny this Greek God nothing but not trusting myself to speak in his presence now that I'd seen his astonishing beauty.

He sighed and walked back into the house.

"He's gone." Carlisle said and he started carrying me through the door and into a room I hadn't been in on my last visit.

It had a large comfortable looking bed and was flooded with light. Carlisle placed me on the bed and sat on the edge. He gave me a sad smile as he asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I thought about it for a split second and nodded. "I can't live life as a cripple. I can't cope depending on everyone else. I want to be free of it." I said surely and then added, "Besides, Jacob saw me go off the cliff. What will he think if I roll back into the house?"

Carlisle chuckled and said "Indeed."

And then he bit me.

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_Ooo how exciting :)_

_review people to find out whats happened next..._

_lovers you all xx_


	9. Chapter 9

_Yo yo yo_

_Very quick chapter here. It was really difficult to describe the transformation without copying Breaking Dawn so i hope you can forgive me if it sounds a bit too similar._

_Read and Review people._

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 8**

Never in my life have I felt a pain so intense! The shock of it seared through me like fire and I felt my body try to contain it but it was in vain. I was hardly aware of what was going on around me. My whole world was pain. Everything was focused on pain. I felt it concentrated around my neck, my wrists and my ankles... I think... it was so hard to tell where it came from, so hard to focus on where hurt more. Everywhere hurt. Everywhere burned.

I clamped my mouth shut. I didn't want to scream, it wouldn't help, it would only make the pain feel more real. So I concentrated on trying to get one of those out of body experiences but I didn't know how. How do I leave? How do I remove myself from the pain? Why won't I die already?

I don't know how long I burned, it didn't matter. Anytime in this pain was too long. The fire roared in my back and I was faintly aware of a crack at the base of my spine but I didn't try to focus on anything. I didn't want to accept this pain just like I didn't want to live anymore. I tried not to think, I tried to block everything out but I couldn't.

Sometimes I was vaguely aware of people moving around me. Sometimes I felt slight cold pressure on my arms and I wanted to tell whoever it was to never let go, the coldness was so soothing, but I couldn't trust myself to open my mouth. I knew if I did, I'd only unleash a scream and I was trying so hard to keep myself composed.

Eventually, I don't know how long it took, but the fire dulled slightly. Don't get me wrong, it was still unbearable but it started receding. I felt like it would be over soon, as if I could soon breathe a sigh of relief and forget about it. But then the pain tripled and was totally centred where my heart was. I could hear and feel my heart beat accelerate like a herd of wild horses running for their lives. I figured out my heart was trying to run for its life, it was trying to escape the fire that was blazing after it but soon enough, my heart stuttered and spluttered and gasped for a rest. And then it stopped.

The fire flared up at its victory and spread throughout my body again causing every muscle to contract and I felt my back arch as the fire raced down my spine. I wanted to scream, I wanted to die. It was all too much!

And then, it cooled. The fire was being smothered and I felt my awareness grow. I could hear so much. I could hear everything. I opened my eyes and was met by the sight of seven beautiful people. My family.

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The first week after day 1 of being a vampire was surreal. I couldn't get over how much storage room I had in my head. I couldn't believe how beautiful I had become. I couldn't stop smiling at every step I took, just because I could take it. It was all too much! I used to extra storage space in my head to lock memories of my family away. I made sure I'd processed them so that I wouldn't forget them, but I had done it in a way that their absence from my life wouldn't burn a hole straight through it. It helped that the memories and images were so grainy as y human sight was so second rate compared to now. That was the other thing about being a vampire: the ridiculously amazing senses! I could hear so much, I could see everything in exceptional detail and I had so much strength I didn't know what to do with it. I was terrified I would break something... someone but it helped living with 7 other people just as strong, or maybe just a wee bit weaker. As a newborn vampire, I was stronger than everyone else in the house. Even Carlisle's son, Emmet, who I'd beaten at an arm wrestle at Edwards's request.

Carlisle's family were so kind to me. They treated me like I'd always been in the family and I felt so accepted. There was Esme, Carlisle's wife who was unparalleled in kindness. Her smile was so radiant and so beautiful I took to her immediately. Then there was Alice and Rosalie, Carlisle's "daughters". Carlisle hadn't changed Alice but she was just as much part of the family as any of his creations were. They all loved and respected Alice who, despite her tiny physique, had the biggest personality I've ever come across. She can also predict the future which blew my mind and I was so overcome with emotion when I realised it was Alice who had seen me make the decision to commit suicide. Noone really understood why she'd seen me but I wasn't exactly complaining. It was thanks to her I had this new life. Rosalie on the other hand was cold towards me. Alice had said something about my decision personally offended her so I stayed out of her way and she was civil at best.

Carlisle's sons were just as different as Alice and Rosalie. There was Jasper, Alice's boyfriend who was quiet yet very friendly and I was amazed when I found out he could change people's moods. It made me kind of scared of him at first but I found myself calming which was odd until I realised it was his doing. Emmet was Rosalie's boyfriend and he was just as opposite to her as Jasper was to Alice. He was the biggest person I'd ever seen, completely and utterly made of muscle and wasn't actually talking to me at the moment due to his recent defeat but when he did speak he was loud and humorous, though not always tastefully so.

And then there was Edward.

With my new eyes, I could truly appreciate just what a beautiful being he really was. I was fortunate that, as a vampire, breathing wasn't necessary because, were I still human, that boy would continually take my breath away! He had messy bronze hair and was built like a Greek God. Whenever he looked at me he scowled and averted his eyes and no matter how many reassurances Alice, Esme and Carlisle gave me that it was only because he still couldn't read my mind, I was hurt and offended.

A week after I joined the world's vampire community, I went for a walk along the cliff edge. It was laughable now, to think of how little damage if any, jumping off it would do to me now. I kicked a stone with my toe of my shoe and it flew far over the waves till in landed with a tiny _plop_ in the distance. I smiled to myself as I heard it above the roaring waves and howling wind. The weather didn't freeze me like it used to, instead it was warm and caressing to my granite body. It was so strange t think of how much had changed in the last week. I could walk, I could smile and mean it, I could see and hear beyond normal human senses. I was a vampire: beautiful and powerful. I was a deadly weapon and despite how happy I was, a part of me still regretted the danger I was to normal people. When I made the choice, I hadn't wanted to become this monster; I hadn't wanted this craving and thirst for blood; but with all things good comes a little bad and I had to accept that.

Carlisle had assured me that after a few years and with careful practice, I would be able to fit comfortably among humans without killing them. Yes, I would still thirst for their blood but it would be a manageable craving. As long as I hunted animals and drank their blood then I would be able to stand humans.

It still hurt me that even after all that practice and fighting temptation, I still wouldn't be able to see my parents and Jacob but I understood why. Even if I was able to resist drinking their blood, I would still be too different. They would notice the changes in me... like being alive. Carlisle had told me my parents believed me to be dead. He told me that my funeral was yesterday and that they were going to be fine. I had wished I could have cried then, but as I found out, vampires don't cry. They don't have any tears.

I sighed as I kicked another pebble, this one going further than the first. I carefully opened the memory box that had Jacob in it. I could hear his agonized howl as I dropped to my watery grave. I could remember his face all too clearly when he realised what I was planning. His pain hurt me and I regretted that I couldn't have been satisfied to live my life as a human for his sake. But I knew there was no point dwelling on what can now never be. I started shutting the Jacob box, ready to store it safely away, when the agonized howl escaped again.

But not from the box.

I turned around...

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_Hey_

_Hope you liked this chapter. Review x_

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	10. Chapter 10

_OK, i think we're nearing the end of his story. It's only a wee short one._

_review x_

**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 9**

It was the smell that reached me. Pure desire lit my throat on fire and I struggled to stand still when all I wanted was to lunge, mouth first, at his throat.

_But it was Jacob. _Just the distraught and confused look on his face helped me to ignore the thirst in a way, but it brought about an emotional pain all the same. His eyes were wide, his hair billowed in the wind and his mouth gaped in an echo of the howling sound he'd just made. He stood almost as still as me and I tried to ignore the sound of his heart beating so temptingly beneath his shirt. I could hear the steady beat of it over the howling wind and his ragged breathing. I wondered what he was thinking. Would he think he was seeing a ghost? I looked different after all. He clearly recognised me or he wouldn't be so shocked. I felt confused as we stood in silence. I was itching to taste his blood, but a rational voice in the back of my head managed to keep my feet planted to the ground as it reminded me who it was I was thirsting for.

"It's OK Bella, you're doing great." A voice whispered through the trees.

My head snapped in the direction the voice came from and I saw Edward standing in the edge of the trees. I turned to face Jacob again. He was scanning the trees to see what I was looking for but I knew he didn't have the keen eyesight to see Edward.

"I can't move." I whispered. I knew Edward would be able to hear me but Jacob wouldn't.

"I know. Don't worry though, for a new born vampire, I've never seen such control. You're the definition of calm."

"Sure doesn't feel that way" I muttered bitterly.

I heard Edward laugh lightly and ignored the urge to smile at the carefree noise.

"What's he thinking?" I asked.

"He thinks he's seeing things. He thinks you're a ghost. But a part of him is hoping that you're not dead after all."

If I had a heart, the thought of Jacob still hoping I was alive would sure tug at its strings.

"What do I do? I can't move or I'll go for his throat. The only way out is to walk towards him and I can't do that. He sure doesn't look like he's going to move."

Jacob was still frozen in shock.

"Then you have to go off the cliff edge. Make it look almost like a re-enactment."

"What?" I hissed. He'd already seen me commit suicide once. Could I really put him through that again?

"It's the only way, Bella." Edward said quietly. "You can do it."

I paused. I knew jumping off the cliff edge wouldn't hurt me in the slightest but Jacob... I had to put him through that again? I sighed and closed my eyes but the image of him standing there was ingrained on my eyelids. But I would be able to say goodbye properly this time... If he thought I was a ghost then so be it. I would tell him what I had only just realised. I would give him closure.

I opened my eyes. He hadn't moved at all.

"Jacob?" I said softly.

He flinched. "Bell... Bella?" He finally said, his voice hoarse and strangled.

"I love you Jacob. I really do, and I'm sorry that it isn't enough." I knew if I could cry, I would have.

"But... But you're- you're dead?"

I nodded. "Sorry." I repeated.

"So... so you're like... a ghost, or in my head?"

I shrugged, feeling surprisingly embarrassed. It was just so strange that I was in this situation: perfectly well, better than I'd ever been but managing to convince the person who's known me best my entire life that I in fact dead. I knew that in another world, me and Jacob would be laughing at this but it was so deadly serious.

I shrugged at his question. I really didn't know what to say. He scrunched up his eyes and I saw a tear slide down his tanned cheek. It tore me in two to see him like this. We stood in silence for a bit longer but Jacob made no move to open his eyes.

"What's he doing?" I murmured to Edward.

"Praying." Came the simple reply.

"What?" I gasped, though fortunately the wind caught my voice in time so Jacob didn't notice the quiet conversation going on before him.

"He's praying that he'll die so he can be with you." Edward said, a slight edge to his voice I didn't understand. "Or that you'll come back to life."

I felt myself tense up at Edwards words. _Poor Jacob. _

"Look, Jake..." I said. He opened his eyes. They swam with tears and I could see my reflection in them: cold, beautiful but for all intents and purposes, dead. "I'm sorry but I'm really... really dead. I just came back to... er... say goodbye..." _Why the heck do I feel so self conscious? This isn't fair! _"I love you Jacob. I'm sorry that it took me this long to realise it, but even if I had realised it when I was... alive... it wouldn't have been enough. I couldn't handle the changes in everyone. I couldn't cope. I'm sorry you had to see me... die. I didn't want that to happen. Tell Renee and Charlie I love them. Tell them I'm sorry."

His head slumped forward and tears poured from his eyes. I almost resented the lack of emotion I was giving off. He deserved a more heartfelt goodbye, he didn't deserve this... this statue I'd become.

"I love you too, Bella." He choked out. "I'm sorry I changed. If- If I could go back... If I could redo everything so you would realised you loved me before it was too late... I would."

"I know, Jake." I whispered. "Me too."

We stood in silence for a few minutes. It was so hard, my throat was burning and the place where my heart had been was aching but I couldn't move.

"Jump, Bella." Edward said. "He's ready to let go."

I nodded. "Good bye Jacob."

"Good bye Bella. I love you." He cried.

"Love you too, Jake." I said softly.

And then I jumped off the cliff for the second time and yet again, to an agonised howl.

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_Review people. You know you want to!_

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	11. Chapter 11

_Sorry i've been so useless at updating regularly. Hopw you enjoy. I think this is one of the last chapters._**

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**Sacrifice**

**Chapter 10**

As I made my way back to the Cullen's house I tried to focus on my speed above all else. It hurt too much to think about what I'd just put Jacob through, again. Of course, the dive off the cliff had been totally harmless. My granite body had sunk straight to the bottom and my keen eye sight cut through the gloom effortlessly but I had survived it without effort. In fact, I'd walked along the bottom to the beach, revelling in how truly alone I was, just thinking things through. It had helped; the peace I had got. No marine animals came near me, probably scared of how foreign I was, but I appreciated the alone time. I thought things through and decided I would leave the Cullen's for a while. I really needed to have the freedom to get over what had transpired in the past couple of days. I really needed to pull myself together or I would be of no company to anyone. I knew it would be hard, being a newborn vampire but I knew if I stayed in the wilderness somewhere I wouldn't pose a threat to anyone.

As I sped through the trees I felt confident in my choice. I would catch up with the Cullen's in a few years time, after all, a few years was nothing to an immortal and when I chose to integrate myself into their family I would be worth having around. At the moment though, I just felt so miserable about Jacob. I couldn't help but wonder _what if? _What if I had realised just how much I loved him before? Would it have changed anything? Of course, I told him it wouldn't have because I was hardly going to tell him that it would have changed things, that wouldn't have been helpful to him. I knew the break in his heart would be irreversible if I'd told him that but me, with all the extra space in my head couldn't help but wonder.

I arrived at the Cullen's and on entering the house I found them all waiting for me looking grim. Of course, _Alice _I thought. She would have seen me make my decision; Edward would have heard through her thoughts what I was planning. They all knew and they didn't look happy about it.

"Look guys," I began, "I really need to get away for a while. I need to sort things out in my head."

"We understand," Carlisle began, "But we don't feel it's wise for such a young vampire to go it alone."

"But I managed to not kill Jacob today. I was feet from him and I didn't go for him."

Shock flitted across all their faces except one. I looked at Edward inquisitively. I had thought he would have told them what had happened on the cliff.

Despite not being able to read my thoughts he knew what I was thinking. "I felt it was your good news to tell."

I nodded, appreciating I had the opportunity to defend myself. They listened to my story with mixed expressions of disbelief and admiration on their faces. Once I had finished Carlisle said, "Well this changes things. Of course, it made not be wise to test yourself this early on. You may have resisted Jacob today because you love him, but what happens if a stranger crosses your path?"

I winced, not wanting to be responsible for anyone's death. I didn't want to be the monster in somebody's life; I didn't want to be a murderer.

"I suppose... I just need to get away from here though, I need a break. It's so hard having my family so close but not being able to be with them, not being able to see them."

Carlisle nodded in response and Esme said, "Well of course, if you want to move we can. We can all go somewhere else, we're not exactly short of money. We could all have a change from here. Ooh, we could visit Tanya."

The whole family burst into animated conversation about where we could move to and I stood by feeling helpless. As much as I appreciated their enthusiasm, I didn't feel like I really was a part of their family. I didn't know if I was ready to be a Cullen. That's why I wanted to go away, to find out who I was before I integrated myself into their family.

The only one who wasn't thriving on the conversation was Edward who stood in the corner looking thoughtful. As the room was filled with the voices of the Cullen's I saw Alice's head snap up, her face turned to Edward with a confused frown on it.

"Bella," Edward said softly, "May I speak to you outside?"

Obviously, everyone else in the room overheard and their conversation was silenced as I nodded. Edward walked out the door without looking to see if I was following but I did. I was drawn to him somehow. He barely talked to me and I was curious to see what would cause him to want to talk to me in private.

"Outside" to a vampire didn't mean just out the door as it would have meant to a human, due to the super hearing "outside" meant a few miles away from the rest of the family. I followed Edward, keeping up easily with his fantastic speed, feeling the euphoria of being as special as he was, in a way.

He stopped abruptly and I stopped too, looking at him curiously.

"Today," He began, looking straight into my eyes, "You were amazing."

He said it so surely that I knew I would have blushed scarlet were I still human.

"Thanks," I mumbled. _The worlds only self-conscious Vampire, great. _I thought dryly.

"I've never seen such control, and in one so young. You looked so calm and sure of yourself. I didn't think it was even possible."

I said nothing, just appreciating that he was not only speaking to me, but complimenting me.

"Over the past few days I've been watching you, observing you, trying to know what you were thinking. You're so hard to read and it drives me crazy, but I feel this strange pull to you, like you're some sort of magnet and I can't resist the urge to try and read your thoughts despite the fact I know I can't." He paused, obviously trying to gauge my reaction but I just stood still, trying to figure out where he was going. He groaned.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! You're so calm and collected and I can't read you. I know I've been very rude over the past few days and I apologise for that. I was just too proud to accept you're a mystery to me. And you are, Bella. You chose this life and it fits you so naturally. I've never seen such a civilized young vampire before. You have no idea how much I wish I knew what was going through your head."

He paused again and I was lost for words. I had no idea where he was going or if his sole purpose was to tell me I drove him crazy. I kept my mouth shut, not knowing what I'd say if I opened it. I felt for sure I would say something stupid like, _I've been watching you too and I've never seen anyone so beautiful. _Or, _I'm glad you didn't know what I was thinking so you wouldn't know how much I thought about you. _Or, _I'm drawn to you too and I can't explain it. _Or even, _I'm so glad you were there this afternoon because if you weren't, not only would I have killed Jacob, but you wouldn't be talking to me now and that would make me even more miserable._

He watched me, an agonized expression on his face as his thoughts remained a mystery to him.

"I'm going to ask you something, and it may be forward, in fact, it's very forward and you don't have to say yes but I hope you do because that would make my day.... but don't let that pressure you or anything." The words tumbled from his mouth in a gush and even with my amazing hearing I had trouble catching them all.

"Yes?" I asked, the curiosity of what had him this worked up consuming my mind as part of it raced around trying to figure it out.

"Well, I knew you wanted to go away after I saw the vision Alice saw once you made the decision and the thought of being separated from you hurt me, quite inexplicably. I could tell earlier when my family suggested we all move that you wanted to be on your own and that hurt even more, so what I'm trying to say is... Can I go with you?"

No matter what my thoughts were trying to predict, Edward wanting to go with me was not close to anything they'd come up with. I was so surprised, but in a good way. What surprised me even more was how easily and effortlessly the reply came, "Of course, Edward."

His features lit up and he looked even more astounding than I'd ever seen him. For some reason I couldn't quite explain, I didn't want to be on my own any more, ever. In that moment, I knew I always wanted Edward to be around which made absolutely no sense to me because I barely knew him.

The box I'd put Jacob in rattled slightly in the back of my mind and although I knew I love him, the feeling I got after Edward asked to go with me was something else entirely. It was an intense warmth that shot through my cold body and I felt hope for the first time in so long. Not the hope I'd felt about walking again, or being beautiful, this was real strong hope about love: something I'd thought would be lost to me forever.

"Let's go tell my family then." He smiled a crooked smile that made my face automatically smile in response. His eyes smouldered and I fought back the urge to run into his arms.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak for fear of saying something that would scare him away. After all, I could hardly tell him I was in love with him after a week of knowing him and only a day of actually communicating with him. It was totally irrational to feel like this so I clamped my mouth shut and followed him back to the house, resisting the urge the skip.

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